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  • Writer's pictureJen

Questions for myself

What we put out into the world is exactly what we take in.

How often do you really ask yourself the hard questions and really take the time to think about the answer?

I’m not talking about the questions like where do you want to be in a year from now, or 5 years from now.

I am talking about the type of questions that have the ability to rock you to your core. To almost slice you open to your roots, the questions that leave you with no choice but to get your hands dirty and make you think, that play with your emotions and just challenge you. It almost forces you to really dive into the things you have been avoiding.

Welcome to my morning…

So today's prompt was deceptively simple. An easy question…“Do you deserve to live? To have joy? If not, why not?”

Sit with that for a moment….

I’ll wait…

Do I deserve to have joy?

See that's hard, automatically I want to say yes but then the inner voice kicks in asking if I really truly deserve joy. That's where things become more complicated. As human beings there are somethings I feel that everyone deserves while other things need to be earned.

So I sat with that.

And I asked myself again…

Do I deserve to have joy?

And then I broke. I want to say yes, I want to be able to scream it so everyone can hear it, I deserve joy. But in this exact moment I don't.

I don't deserve joy, saying it out loud and even writing it brings me to tears. But this is my truth in this moment I do not deserve joy, one day I will but today is not that day.

I want to deserve joy.

I want to feel happiness but my actions haven’t always shown that. How I have treated myself doesn't support that. I can say I no longer hate myself and that's a huge deal but I’m still working on loving myself, on building that relationship where I know deep down in my soul I got me, I love me.

It isn’t enough to just be nice to others, if your not being nice to yourself. If I want to truly feel joy than I need to empower myself and treat myself better. I need to model to myself what it is that I need to build the trust and relationship until I get to the place where I can proudly say I deserve to feel joy.

What you put out and tell yourself out loud or through your body language is the message your taking in.

I’m ready to make this change, are you?

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