Before you can tackle the more major emotional cords in my opinion you truly need to have some honest dialogue to then really set some boundaries on what that needs to look like moving forward.
The first part of that is learning how to really communicate and have open and honest dialogue when all people are heard. When your engaging in a “critical” conversation in which you want to be heard and have an honest an open discussion it is important to sit with yourself prior to the conversation and think about what it is you want to accomplish and what is the message that you are trying to deliver. More importantly these conversations should not be about pointing fingers and blaming someone else.
When having these conversations there are 4 main steps that you should follow:
1. Observe and recap - what happened/transpired. Keep this simple, don’t turn it into a story make sure that you are not judging or passing judgement.
2. Describe emotions, not positions - what are your feelings share them in a way without pointing blame
3. Identify needs - what is it that you need (i.e I need to feel safe, I need to feel like part of the community etc.)
4. Make a request - what is it that you need from the other person
But what if I don’t want to see the other person or they are not willing to have a conversation with me? In those instances have those conversations with yourself and role play it. This will allow you the opportunity to express yourself and create a sense of closure.
When cutting cords it’s important to do it as cleanly as possible because emotions are involved. Closure is key.
*To learn more about NVC you can find resources at www.cnvc.org