It only hurts when I cry... or does it?
At some point I became conditioned to the fact that this is something you do not do. I began to look at crying as a weakness something that you do not allow others to see under any circumstance as you never want to give anyone ammunition. But when does this happen and what does this mean for us?
I’ve spent the better part of my life not crying and doing everything I can to avoid it. I’ve gotten angry, I’ve yelled. But worst of all I’ve suppressed the emotion whether it be anger, grief, sadness inside of me where its festered and boiled up and essentially eaten away at me. My not crying has allowed me to essentially cannibalize my own self for years.
Think about this… due to my own belief and programming I have made a conscious choice to suppress my emotions to appear strong while destroying myself in the process.
Had I not started to make conscious decisions and changes I would have spent the rest of my life attempting to hide and swallow my emotions.
I cry now, and some days its painful and it sucks and I wish I could push those emotions back down. It’s raw and primal and in that there is beauty and strength. I am allowing myself to be vulnerable and to wash away and soothe the demons inside with my tears. I am starting to express my emotions and slowly take my walls down.
To the ones that cry I applaud you for your strength and beauty, for those still struggling I am right there alongside of you.